


there's a lot of potential in a mighty, mighty organ

by alilyinhighgarden



Series: Memories Are Mapped Out By The Lines We'll Trace [2]
Category: World Wrestling Entertainment
Genre: Because he's sprung, But there's fluff in there too, Conversations about Feelings, I really love these idiots okay?, Kayfabe Compliant, Light Angst, M/M, Mentions of Seth having some mild feelings for Finn, Reminder that this is the night Seth wore Dean's shirt to the ring, You can't tell me otherwise
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-06
Updated: 2018-09-06
Packaged: 2019-07-07 19:04:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,284
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15914385
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alilyinhighgarden/pseuds/alilyinhighgarden
Summary: The long weekend of SummerSlam may be over but before Seth can get some sleep he and Dean apparently need to have a conversation.Set after 8/20/18 episode of RAW.





	there's a lot of potential in a mighty, mighty organ

**Author's Note:**

> I started this right after publishing the first fic in this series (that I do not think you need to read for any of this to make sense) but then the next week on RAW Dean looked so freaking angry and my heart couldn't process it. But alas, it's been a couple weeks since then and it's settled better with me. 
> 
> Shout out to my beta Lindsay (whose username I don't actually know on here). Without her this would be more confusing. :)
> 
> Title taken from the song "Big Houses" by Squalloscope.

It had been a crazy weekend in Brooklyn so Seth was profoundly grateful when he slipped his room card into the reader knowing that there was nowhere and no one who expected him come morning. Once inside he sat his bag down and immediately plopped onto the bed. He had expected Dean to follow suit but he seemed to be taking his time. Each item was methodically pulled out of his pockets and laid on the dresser. It was a contrast to his usual habit of letting everything clunk to the floor in his pants. 

“You okay?” Seth asked as he reached for the room service menu in a vain hope it would still be operating. “Sore from your first night back?” If he was Seth could not blame him. Dolph was no slouch in the ring and then they tussled with a man twice their size.

All he got in response was a grunt that sounded like a denial, if it could even be considered an attempt at actual words. Considering that Dean was usually bouncing for hours after a show it struck Seth as unusual. In fact Dean had been pretty quiet since they left Roman behind at the arena to head to their hotel.

He shifted his gaze from the menu in his hand up to Dean who was standing very still, an uncomfortable look on his face.

“Seriously dude, what’s up with you?”

Dean rubbed the back of his neck, “How’d your talk with Bálor go?”

Seth had not known what Dean was going to say but still, the question about Finn caught him off guard.

“Uh, it went fine. I just wanted to explain. He’s had my back for awhile. I thought he should know we didn’t plan on interrupting his match.”

“Yeah- Good. Good,” Dean nodded.

Seth narrowed his eyes at him but decided not to push. No sooner had he turned his attention back to the description of loaded french fries he probably should not order, Dean spoke again. “You sure that’s all you needed to talk about?” The frown on his face made it clear that it was a question he still was not sure he wanted to ask.

Seth’s attention snapped back up to him, “What do you mean?” Though he had an idea what Dean was circling.

“Seth, come on. You know I was watching the show, right?”

“I know that but-“

“All I’m saying is that you and Bálor’ve seemed pretty chummy and if there’s anything for me to find out I’d rather know now than three months from now.”

Seth felt his mouth go dry. This was a conversation he was hoping they would not have to have. But of course he was an idiot for thinking that. If he had been home injured and seen Dean having the sort of interactions he had with Finn he knew his mind would have gone to the worst possible option. A thought that was likely stoked by him staying back to talk to Finn after the show tonight. But it was not anything to be concerned about. He had to find a way to ensure Dean knew that.

“Sit down.”

“I don’t want to sit. I want you to fucking tell me if there’s something I should know.” Dean started to pace furiously across the small space at the foot of the bed, as if to make a point of how little he was in the mood to comply with Seth’s request.

Okay. This bothered him  _ a lot _ more than Seth had anticipated. The easiest thing would be to deny everything. Claim that it all was completely platonic and that Dean was reading something where there was nothing. It would be so easy to tell that lie. He was good at it at one point in time. But even if he could execute his old skill with as much deft as he once did it would go against who he was  _ now.  _ Dean deserved the truth and so did the man Seth had fought to become.

Seth rubbed his hands over his face. “Okay. look, sure maybe I developed- I dunno what to call it because I’m thirty-fucking-two and crush seems like a dumb word to use but it’s the closest I can come up with. So, yeah, maybe I kinda had a crush on Finn.” Yeah, the word sounded  _ real dumb _ coming out of his mouth.

“Had?” Dean asked with a tone that made it clear he doubted the past tense of it all.

“Have, had, what the fuck does it matter,” he barked out, frustrated because Dean had to know that smiling at Finn during a segment or at the end of a match was not comparable to what he felt for him.

“Yeah, see, it matters because one of them means I’m about to crawl into bed beside someone who has feelings for someone else.” He tapped his fingers against his collar bone. A move Seth knew he did when he was particularly worked up.

“Christ Dean,” he tossed the forgotten menu onto the night stand and sat up straighter. “it’s not like that. I swear!”

“Nine months is a long time when you’re spending most of it on the road. I can- not accept it- but,” he stopped his pacing and looked straight at Seth, blue eyes boring into him, “I can understand if something happened while I was gone. What I can’t take is being lied to or wondering if it’s gonna happen behind my back.”

It felt like he had just been on the receiving end of another one of McIntyre’s blows. He had spent so much time trying to prove to anyone who would pay attention but  _ especially _ to the man in front of him that he was worthy of trust. That he was not in his twenties and foolish. He knew what mattered most now. In the last year he thought he had managed to do that but now he wondered what it would take for it to really stick. “Are you serious? You really think I’d do that to you?”

The gut punch must have been evident on his face because the intensity of Dean’s expression softened some. “Look, this,” he motioned between the two of them, “had really just gotten started again and then I was gone. It’s not like we made any sort of commitments. I know because I kept reminding myself of that while I watched you two smile at each other week after week.”

“Dean, no. It- it wasn’t like that.”

“I’m just saying if you want to be with him then be with him. Don’t feel like we have to continue this out of some sort of obligation or need to prove yourself. I’d rather you be honest with how you feel now instead of pretending everything is alright and me getting turned inside out again a few months from now.”

He shot Seth a questioning look but Seth could not answer because he was focused on keeping down the bile that had pooled in the back of his throat. He knew betraying Roman and Dean was something no one would ever be able to forget but the fact that those choices were set to color every choice he made was enough to make him nauseous at times.

“Do you- you still think that fucking little of me?” It took tremendous effort to get those words out and Seth was grateful that the air conditioner in the room had not been running because they were so soft that they would have surely been lost.

_ That _ seemed to snap Dean out of his own internal struggle and the anger that had remained in his expression slipped away. “What- no. I-“

“Because it sounds like you’re just waiting for me to fuck you over.” God he hated the tremble that he could not keep out of his voice. “Tell me. Honestly, do you expect me to turn my back on you again?”

At first the only sounds that came from Dean resembled growls coming from deep in the back of his throat as he tapped and rubbed at his collarbone again. A new emotion flew across his face each as he grappled with his words. The whole scene made him look feral. It was not the first time Seth had thought of him as such since his return. Somehow Dean had come back looking _even more_ like an animal waiting to break free of its cage.

With each new expression and indecipherable utterance Seth felt more of the foundation he thought they had built back crumbling and he had to fight the urge to flee out of the room before he was engulfed by rubble. But he did not move. Instead he sat still, waiting for Dean to actually say something. Seth was surprised by the simplicity of his statement when he finally did speak, “It’s not like that, okay?”

“Then what is it,” Seth demanded, “because what I’m hearing is you looking for signs I’m still a guy who’d do things for himself even if it involved fucking you over.”

“I guess I’m fucking jealous okay,” he barked out, as if saying them quick and loud would make them any less an admission. “I was sitting at home with a screwed up arm and you were out there getting to fight and have fun tagging and goofing off with Bálor.”

Seth found this endearing. Which was really the last thing he should have been feeling considering that the situation was demanding damage control, not going soft because your boyfriend cared enough to feel some kind of way about you smiling at another guy.

“Until this shit with Ziggler and McIntyre popped up it seemed like you were having the time of your life. Not a care in the goddamn world.”

Seth turned the words over in his mind. Just hours ago he had been thinking about how things  _ had _ been, well, not easy but easily a life he could live on autopilot for a few months. He was using instinct and skill in the ring and just going with the flow of it. But something had been missing. Like  _ easy _ was not  _ living _ .

“Sit down,” Seth said with more force than the first time and patted the bed beside him. Dean ran his hand over his head and squinted down at Seth, obviously making a decision. Seth was relieved when he decided to comply.

Silence enveloped them as Seth decided where to start. “You’re right,” he muttered and rubbed his fingers along his bottom lip. “I was having a good time. I was just in the moment and once I got that belt most days were fun. I’m not going to lie and say they weren’t.”

He reached out and grabbed Dean’s hand, the other man stiffened until Seth entwined their fingers in one easy and familiar motion. “But for as many times as you saw me smiling in the middle of the ring there were probably ten when I wish you’d been there to have my back or make fun of me or tell me that my taste in music is shit.”

That last one got a snort from Dean. It felt like a minor victory. “Dean, I’m not going to act like things with you are easy because they’re not. We’ve had months of easy  _ maybe _ in the years that this has been bouncing from one thing to another. But I like that this is challenge. It- us- you- You force me to stay engaged and make sure I’m not just relying on what is second nature. I  _ never  _ feel as alive as I do when we’re doing shit side by side.”

“Yeah,” Dean grunted and ran his thumb back and forth across Seth’s skin, “You sure this isn’t too hard for you? You wouldn’t rather have something easier.”

“Nah, went for easy once,” Seth said, his throat feeling tight, “it was the worst decision of my life.”

Silence fell between them. It was not uncomfortable but it was heavy with the memories of those years when he allowed himself to become his worst possible self and how it had effected both of them. But he was not going to let himself fall down a rabbit hole of self loathing tonight. There was no time for such things because the way Dean drummed his free hand against his knee let Seth know there was still something on his mind.

“If you want to ask something else just come out with it.”

Dean opened his mouth to speak and shut it, apparently unsure, before finally conceding to curiosity. “You  _ sure _ you and Bálor didn’t hook up? Not even once? I know the European tour can get crazy.”

Seth sighed but shifted to rest his shoulder against the headboard and face Dean head on. “The  _ only _ person I’ve been with- the only one I’ve wanted to be with since last summer is you.”

“Really?” Dean’s gaze was intensely focused on Seth, obviously trying to look for some tell tale sign that he was lying. If Seth wanted to it was a test he could pass even if he was being dishonest.

Still, he looked back at Dean, unguarded and unflinching. Staring straight into those bright blue eyes felt akin to baring his soul. It was exposing but if anyone deserved to see him exposed it was Dean. “Really.”

Whatever mental list Dean was running through Seth must of checked off the right boxes. “Okay,” he said, holding his free hand up to acquiesce, “You say nothing happened between you two than nothing happened.”

The sureness in his tone provided some comfort but now Seth felt his own curiosity creep up. As Dean had pointed out there had been no verbal commitments to each other though Seth had thought enough  _ had  _ been conveyed through actions. But if it was something Dean kept in the forefront of his mind then maybe...

“So- uh-yeah-“ The question seemed to catch before he could form the words, causing him to clear his throat. “Like you said, nine months is a long time and I know we talked a lot and got to see each other some but, um, did you- have you?”

“You tryna ask me if I had some fun while I was away pretty boy,” Dean smirked as he knocked his leg against Seth’s.

“I guess I am,” he found himself suddenly intrigued the fraying edge on the drawstring of his sweats instead of looking at Dean.  

“Nah. People don’t really dig dudes who only have partial mobility in one arm and can barely put weight on it. Besides,” Dean guided both their hands over toward Seth so he could poke at his hip, “The only ass I’m interested in is yours.”

“Yeah, well, feeling’s mutual.” He really should not have been smiling as hard as he was but controlling his expression had been difficult since that last week. He was just  _ so damn happy _ to have Dean back by his side.

“But you said you were into Bál-“

He made him happy but oh my god he  _ could _ be frustrating when he wanted to be.

“Oh my god, I said I had a crush on the dude it’s not like he’s the one I’m in love with,” he interrupted with a groan.

Dean stared at him slack jawed and Seth immediately wanted to kick himself. That was not the way  _ that _ was supposed to come out.

“Are you saying-“

“Yeah, yeah.”

“You saying you’re  _ in _ love with me?”

“I didn’t mean to say it like  _ that _ ,” Seth shrugged and nodded, “but, yeah.”

Dean ran his hand over his hair, it still seemed like he was unaccustomed to it’s new length. “How long has that been- a thing?”

This was a night for honestly but the total truth of that question seemed like a lot and it was late. How could Seth tell a guy that he destroyed that he was already his everything when he did it? That back then Seth saw himself only a few steps away from putting Dean above it all, including his quest for the top. How that scared the shit out of him because what they had was fragile and what if Roman or Dean tore it apart and he was left with nothing. How Seth could not accept that he had worked, given sweat, blood, and tears for one goal only to see that dream eclipsed by a man who could easily break him.

Maybe some other time the whole of it would be laid bare. Tonight it was too much. “Awhile,” Seth answered simply.

“Huh,” Dean said, looking contemplative as he rubbed his chin.

“You didn’t know?”

“Look I’m not out here trying to guess people’s feelings. That got me in trouble before.”

Seth felt his heart contract at that. It was uncomfortable but also necessary. He had inflicted a lot of scares, both emotional and physical, on Dean over the years. Running from that or ignoring it was not healthy. Continuing to acknowledge how it shaped them and moving forward from there was

“I- uh. Shit,” Dean groaned, “Uh. You know I’m- I love you- too, right?”

Seth could not help the smile that broke out, somehow wider than the one he had sported before. It was not brought on because of _what_ he said. He had known how Dean felt even if he had never flat out said it in their time back together. It was  _ the way _ he said it that made Seth laugh. “I think that might be one of the hardest sentences I’ve seen you string together while being completely sober.”

“Hey, I had some beers back at the arena,” Dean said defensively.

“Come up with whatever excuses you want. Doesn’t mean that Dean Ambrose, man whose mouth runs on auto pilot half the time, didn’t just stumble out the worst love confession I’ve heard.”

“You’ve had many of those?”

“A few,” Seth shrugged. 

“Yeah, well,” Dean rubbed the back of his neck, “You love me too.”

“Yeah,” Seth leaned in to give Dean a kiss. It was not one that was going to lead to anything else or alter any worlds but it did make every cell of Seth’s being feel like it vibrated with a warm contentment. When he pulled back just enough to look into those familiar blue eyes he said for the first time, “I love you too.”

Dean dropped his head but Seth could still see the dimple in his cheek giving away the fact that he was smiling.

As if intent on keeping things from getting sappy, Seth’s stomach growled. “Right. Food.”

He had not eaten since they had gotten to the arena many hours ago. He reached over to grab the menu once again and awkwardly opened it with one hand, refusing to let go of the one holding Dean’s. “How do fries with a shit ton of toppings sound to you?”

“Sounds great but you sure you want to give up your abs for some ranch sauce,” Dean teased, “Can’t have you getting soft on me.”.

“I’ll get up early and put in an extra thirty at the gym tomorrow to make up for it.” He laughed as Dean complained about it already being two o’clock in the morning and why would he get up earlier than he had to. Seth ignored him to reach for the phone. The fries might make tomorrow a bit more of a challenge but, he thought as he batted away Dean who was trying to grab the receiver to hang it up, some challenges were worth it.

  



End file.
